Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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