the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
