Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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