he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
