So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
