I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
