Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
