In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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