Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
