i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
