1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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