so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
