is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
