pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
