I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
