hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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