So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can i not drive my cunt home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
