she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
