it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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