Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
