guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
