So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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