i love accidental penises.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
