i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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