The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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