The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
