I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
