@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
