When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
