dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
