dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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