I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
