My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
