i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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