She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
