i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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