It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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