Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
