is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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