Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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