We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Couch. On fire.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
