False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
