This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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