I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
