the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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