so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
