I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
