i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
