At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
