since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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