can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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