i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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